To board or to not board

A question ricocheting off the walls of my cranial cavity. We (I generalise, 'cause I know for sure that I am not being presumptuous), do not realise that time and again, we add shrapnel to the whirlwind of thoughts that plague our minds. This is exactly what I found myself engaging in, as I stood transfixed (why transfixed? But that is an object of some other discussion) at, lo and behold, the railway station.

For any Bombaite worth his/her salt, watching the train glide into its slot, is certainly not a 'must-watch'. But then, think again. You see a locomotive, crawling with people...yes...flesh and blood people... clinging onto rooftops and door handles... travelling with a velocity that certainly is enviable (so what if we are not matching the guys in Japan, this is certainly faster than the pace at which our cars crawl), on tracks that are a colonial heritage, with overhead wires that remain taught with attention (almost reminiscent of the onus that they have taken upon themselves), weaving through narrow corridors, thundering across rickety mini bridges... I think it is worth 'a' sight atleast.

But ... darn.. I digress. The question I ask myself as I watch this monsterous wonder crawl towards me is, 'to board or to not board' . Now this is a classic example of debris cluttering our mind. Not very different from pebbles that occasionaly populate the exhaust pipe of your car... rattlers, that can only hurt.

And why is it debris? Lets rewind to The Matrix and relive this conversation where Oracle tells Neo...."Because you didn't come here to make a choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it"

Exactly the point that I drive home... the decision to board or not to board had been taken a while ago... maybe such were the scheme of events... (categorised - M=Major , m=minor, D=D'uh)

• I chose a job which would require me to travel to a spot, that can be commuted to 'in an economical manner' regularly, only by train. ---> D
• I refuse to adjust my body clock to get up at an unearthly hour, thus buffering in enough time, which I would need if I intend on using the 'roadways'. ---> M
• I chose to go to the gym in the morning... no rationale, apart from the fact that (karma cycle factored in), I anyways was going to take the train to work. --->m
• I have not polished my shoes, thinking that the gentleman, on the platform would do it for me. With intricate obsession to detail I also have an INR 5/- coin kept handy, and within easy reach.--->m
• I purchased a quaterly railway pass, worth some considerable moolah. ---> D
• I have scheduled the 'briefing' sesison with my boss at 9:15 am, two months ago...with also the minor detail, of it being a DAILY briefing --> D (font 76)

So it can be rest assured, that all these factors factored in, the decision to board the train.. not only THE train... but THAT train, had, with utmost certainty, been taken AGES ago.

But yet... you know what happens when shit hits the fan... yes.. its NOT pleasant... and how much ever it stinks at that moment.... a few hours later... when you go back to that moment.. it stinks more.

Panning back to myself, at that moment, the train crawled past me and with a sigh, halted. Now, the neurons which are designated as the proprietary strategy formulators cum carriers, to my mind, were suddenly subject to this anomaly. . . . this stray thought that demanded their attention... that asked them...Was it worth it... coming up with a strategy? It revised the primer upon which the neurons functioned from the erstwhile How? to the escapist Why?

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. The oft quoted sentiment came true in that particular instant. Objects that until then, had seldom been given the leeway of having an 'obtuse' thought flow contrary to the streamlined approach otherwise chosen.... when subject to this anomaly... after a little flurry of excitement... simply went 'belly-up'.

And how did this translate into me acting.... it prompted me to :

• Stay frozen, when I should have been jogging alongside the train
• Stay frozen, when I should have been ducking and weaving my way through the crowd
• Move in a direction that made me move headfirst towards the crowd of people who had just, figuratively speaking, burst out of the train - -when I should have frozen
• Continue moving in that direction in spite of the cumulatively increasing, thuds and jabs.
• Keep going, and try to communicate to the opposing mass, why my actions were justified.
• Stop and experience a decision reversal - - - catch this one - - once I had passed the eye of the storm. Thus making me turn around and move - - away - - from the train.
• And finally... stick around...explain, rationalise and finally argue with the bunch whom I had inconvenienced as a part of my continuing foray towards boarding the train.

Could have done worse although. Could have taken a cab after all this. But rationality and centralised control were restored by then, and I boarded the next train.

Now getting back to the point where I stated that the shit stinks a lot more, when you revisit the room at a later hour.

Delayed owing to the sudden democracy and independant thinking that my neurons decided they deserved, I had lost out on a "time window". Thanks to this, to my dismay, I found that there were staggering delays in just about everything that had been scheduled throughout the day, ranging from the morning briefing (afore mentioned), the morning pre-market meets, LUNCH, to the noon cold calls. The extent of the damage done was such that, fathom this, even breaks were delayed!!!

Owing to the subsequent delays I found myself in my designated seat at 7:00 pm, and thus within the sphere of influence of my project manager. Now, this is a gentleman who has been hounding me for a 'Brainstorming' session, for the past week, that I have being evading.... owing to the current scheme of things I had no exit route and thus found myself fall prey to the 'storm'. That's was the moment when i thought back.... yuck! this shit stinks more NOW!

In retrospect... which again is another spoke in the wheel, debris in the pipe, anomaly in the brain kind of event... I said... never ask a question which you already have the answer too. Complexities do not help.